Rescue

This morning my thoughts are turned towards my hurting son.  I’m afraid to label him as my "lost son" even though I fear he is.  He is one of the Lord’s lambs that have strayed from the fold.  He is grazing in what he feels is greener pastures just outside the comfortable embrace of the Shepherd. Yet, he isn't so far lost that I can’t notice him gazing back toward the fold once in a while wondering what he may be missing.

He informed us the other day that he doesn’t want to go on a mission.  He doesn’t want to attend BYU anymore. He isn’t even sure he can be a Mormon.  He told us he could do those things before and he went through the motions because he knows that is what we wanted to hear.  He feels he doesn’t have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and therefore, places himself out of reach from the Savior’s hand. 

I know NO ONE is out of reach from the Savior’s hand.

The bishop met once again with my son the other day.  He cares greatly for my son and is trying so diligently to rescue him.  Shortly after that visit, the bishop informed my husband that is was time he met with us, his parents.

My thoughts turn to what I expect the Bishop is going to tell us.  We need to step up us as parents.  You need to be holding regular Family Home Evening, family scripture reading and praying together as a family.  Those are what my husband is already telling me WE NEED to be better at in order to rescue our son.

My husband asks me what did we do wrong in raising him?   What could we have done differently? 

I have spent many hours asking myself those same questions.  I should have been a better mom.  Why didn’t I do this and why didn’t I do that?  If we did all the things the prophet told us to do as a family it would have made a difference.

The spirit has told me to stop focusing on the past and look forward to the future.

If I continue to think about all the things I should have done differently than I will be motivated by guilt going into the future. 

Motivation by guilt can improve our actions but from my experience it is usually short lived actions.  We strive to read scriptures as a family so we start only to stop a couple weeks later.  I get motivated after hearing a great talk in church about a fun Family Home Evening and so I put something similar together for my children only to find it didn’t go as well as I wanted it to run so I give up.  I invite my son to join us for prayers as I tuck the girls into bed.  Yet there is always an excuse so we go on without him.

I want to be motivated by the Spirit of the Holy Ghost not guilt.  The motivation and experience with personal revelation can move me to action far greater than guilt ever could.  And it brings the greatest peace and hope for the future.

I cannot save my son.  There is only One, Jesus Christ, who has the power and influence to save him.  Yet, I can and will be an instrument in His hands as I prepare myself to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost on a daily basis.

We don’t have regular planned Family Home Evenings with our children.  Yet, those unplanned spontaneous thoughts that come to me throughout the day as a teaching moment, I am not afraid to open my mouth and share with my children.  Even when my girls tell me, “Mom, why do you have to turn everything into a churchy moment?”  I respond with, “because I am learning some of the lesson towards peace and happiness for myself and I can’t help but want to share them with those I love”.  Even when my son feels something as I share my testimony with him and I watch him fight it and block it because it’s so different and unfamiliar and he is afraid if he lets it in he’ll have to change, so he walks away. 

We don’t have family scripture study.  Yet, I cherish the precious moments when my son comes home from school and it’s just him and I sitting across the table enjoying lunch together.  Some days, he feels safe to open up and talk about his life, his struggles and his fears.  Many times I’m prompted to just sit and listen.  Other times, I feel prepared to share an experience or even a scripture that helped me through some of my rough days.  Oh how I cherish these moments alone with him.

We don’t have family prayers together.  Yet, I know Heavenly Father has heard my prayers pleading for Him to rescue my son.  I know God loves my son more than I do.  My son was His before he became ours.  I know Jesus Christ performed an individual and personal act of salvation for my son.  I know the Savior knows what pains, doubts and fears my son is harboring and covering up far more than I can know.  I don’t want to stand in His way performing His will by selfishly trying to rescue him my way.  I can’t.  We can’t.  Only He can!

My responsibility as his mother is to nurture, to love, to accept him, and to create a safe environment for him to come home to.