The Healing Antidote

This weekend is our Stake Conference.  Last night Boyd and I were able to attend the adult session of conference.  The speakers and music were uplifting and inspirational.  Then out of the blue, the Stake Presidency called out names to come up and share their testimony.  My name was called!  I couldn't believe it.  I looked at Boyd to confirm was that really my name?  I am certain he could see the fear in my eyes.  That has never happened to me before.  My body was shaking and my heart was pounding.  I really don't know how my legs carried my body as I made the long walk up to the podium.  I said a silent prayer, "Dear Lord, please help me know what you want me to say".

I received a quick and timely prompting to share my testimony of the healing power of the atonement.   I stood up at the podium and looked out at the mass number of people staring at me and I wanted to turn and run.  Yet, there was something holding me there.  I do want to share my testimony.  Except, I like to write down my testimony not speak it.  It is so freeing to sit at the computer and unleash my thoughts and feelings to the buttons on my keyboard because they don't judge me.

But, all those faces staring up at me, they were going to judge my words and my feelings.  I needed to deliver something good.  Oh the pressure!

The spirit calmed my nerves a bit and I tried to speak from my heart.  How does someone adequately express how the Atonement of Jesus Christ has healed her heart?  The answer is you can't.  But, the Spirit can.  I wish I can learn to rely on the spirit to do the teaching and less on the words that come out of my mouth.

Before I even made it back to my seat next to Boyd, I was doubting what I said.  Did it make any sense?  I forgot to mention the very most important aspect of the healing.  I should have said this and I should have said that.  Oh man, I really made a fool of myself.  What are people going to think about me?

I can't really recall the message given the rest of conference because I couldn't focus on what was being said.  My mind was critical and second guessing myself.  I was repeating over and over in my head what I should have said, what I needed to say.  I couldn't face the shame and embarrassment.  I wanted to run away.

Right before the end of the last speaker, Boyd could tell I was going to make a run for it, so he put his arm around my shoulder and said "Remember that the spirit does the teaching, You did a really good job bringing the spirit with your testimony".  

I didn't believe him.  So before the closing song, I ran out of there to hide my face from the shame and disappointment.

In the hall near the exit, I pass someone I know.  Oh no!  She tries to stop me, but I ignore her and keep on walking.  I just want out of here.  Oh dear, now she is going to think I'm mad at her.  More shame.   

I hid in the back seat of Boyd's truck.  I can't leave without him and I have to hide here for a while because I remembered Boyd had a short meeting after conference. 

Through my tears, I apologize to Heavenly Father over and over.  "You gave me a chance to share my testimony and I messed it up.  I am so very sorry."  I'm safe here laying down on the seat speaking to Heavenly Father where no one can see me.

Suddenly, I hear someone calling out to me through the window.  Two dear friends of mine open the back seat of the truck and I hold up my hand telling them to please go away.  They close that door, yet open another.  The front door opens and they begin to speak words of comfort.  "Tresa, you did such a great job on your testimony". 

I'm determined to prove them wrong by explaining what I meant to say, what I needed to say and what I wanted to say but didn't. 

They continue.  "We were so excited when we heard your named called.  You were called because the Lord knows you and loves you.  We understood what you meant, we could feel what you were trying to convey.   Anyone could feel how desperately you wanted to get your message of the atonement across.  And you did."

Heavenly Father sent those two sisters to search for me just like the Shepard searches for one of his lost sheep. 

Jesus Christ stands at the door and knocks.  I'm so blessed to have let those dear friends in because by doing so I also let the Savior in.

I had recorded my testimony of the healing power of the atonement in a journal entry a couple weeks ago.  Heavenly Father is now giving me an opportunity to share it in a way I am most comfortable; by written words.

We had a wonderful institute class on a subject I have been studying lately. I am realizing that there is a difference between being forgiven of your sin and your heart being healed from your sin. Most of the time, we believe they go hand in hand. Yet, as I look back in my youth when I sinned, I remember the Bishop’s words clearly “you are forgiven”, I believe I missed the, “your heart should now heal” part. That healing can’t be given by a Bishop and it certainly isn't as easy as saying three words “you are healed” and believing it. It is a process. I believe those individuals who sin, confess, are forgiven and then find themselves fallen again a short time later are missing the “healing” balm of the Savior’s love.

I believe in my youth as I confessed my sins to my bishop I was forgiven, but I didn't receive the healing necessary for it to change my life permanently.

How can we receive the healing of our hearts that I feel is of more importance and more life changing than the forgiveness? I am still trying to figure that out exactly. But, I am getting closer because I know I am receiving it. I know I am being healed from the effects of my youthful sin. 

I am finding as I study and learn more about the Savior’s atonement more healing inside of me occurs. “For of him unto much is given much is required” (D & C 82:3). What is required of us is that we take the time to get to know the Savior, believe Him, have a personal relationship with Him which will ultimately result in us trusting Him with our broken hearts to heal. We can’t allow His atonement to heal us until we can trust Him. We can’t trust Him unless we get to know His true nature by studying His words and praying to have a relationship with him.

Ever since a lesson on Moses’ brass serpent over a year and half ago in Institute I have been intrigued by the question we were asked in class. Why did God ask Moses to put a brass serpent on his staff, the very thing that had bitten them and already killed some of them? And then Moses instructed the Israelite's to "Look at the snake and you will live".  I’ve studied the life of Moses a great deal. For one simple reason, the Israelites wandered in the desert hopeless and lost for 40 years. Well, so did I. I was spiritually asleep for 40 years going around in circles in my own personal desert.

I read something recently that has really helped me understand the healing power of the atonement.  I know my heart continues to heal as I read and understand the atonement.

These snakes that bit the Israelites were obviously venomous snakes. We know that when a snake bites you, the venom is called an antigen. When the antigen gets into the body, the body, if it has time, will respond to the antigen by creating anti-bodies. If you take the blood of a snake bite victim that has produced anti-bodies and extract and inject it into another person who has also been bitten, then in that other person’s blood this injection of anti-bodies become the antidote that saves them.

The serpent on top of Moses staff symbolizes the Savior on the cross.

When Jesus died on the cross an antigen was injected into him. All the sins of the world, that deadly venom, that antigen, mainlined right into the heart of Jesus. Our sins = poison. God allowed the antigen into his son that he might produce our antidote. If we go to the Savior and look upon His suffering so we can receive the antidote (healing), we live. “Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.” (1 Peter 2:24). Not only does the Atonement forgive our sins, it can heal us from our sins. It’s mercy!!


We literally take in (digest) the Saviors antidote when we partake of the sacrament, His body and His blood which contain the healing antidote. Wow~  The sacrament just took on a whole new meaning for me.

I also wonder if the the antidote is the Holy Ghost. I believe the Holy Ghost can be the healing balm of the Savior. The healing influence and power of the Holy Ghost can’t penetrate a hardened heart just like a syringe of snake antidote can’t penetrate and heal a rock. However, His love can though. Our Savior’s unconditional love can penetrate a hardened heart and soften it enough for the antidote (Holy Ghost) to speak truth and bring the life saving comfort that heals.

We need to be healed; it’s not enough to be forgiven. While the lamb metaphor depicts the forgiveness of our sins, the serpent metaphor demonstrates the healing from our sins. In order to heal humanity the Savior had to become the very poison that was killing us.

I testify that I have felt the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  I have been given a new heart.  I so desperately want to help others understand and feel His love.  I wish I could pull out my heart and place it in the chest of someone who feels empty, lost or broken.  I think it would only take a second for you to feel the Savior's love that I have felt.  Hopefully, in that second it will fill your heart with the hope and faith necessary to turn and look to Jesus Christ and LIVE.